Letter to self---

Why have you done the things you have done? Hmmmmm. Let me think...

1.) I find a fear and I Face it
2.) I want to push my boundaries
3.) tengo un cabeza duro (I have a hard head...sometimes, but I'm getting better at it.)

I'm writing this right now from a hospital bed. It's crazy because these are the times you feel the most grateful. Isn't that weird as fuck? When you are at the verge of death that is when you feel so closely related to the Universe & yourself. It makes you think...

I think it's just because you are having an experience that you've never had before. You've never felt these emotions. You've never been immobile and you've never had the chance to think about why on Earth you are so special.

You are lucky af to be here... just here. In this moment. Yes. This one. The one that just went away. This one. Try to capture it—it's hard. A lot of things had to go right for you to show up here. You had to be that one kung-fu sperm that roundhouse kicked all the other ones to get to home base. Every cell in your body has to move in conjunction for you to even blink your eye. Your heart pumps without you knowing; Your lungs breathe without you even giving a fuck. Literally every single thing in your body is a blessing.

The fact that you can drive a car is a blessing.... wtf, bro? Think about that.

At first you have to think "imma drive a car," then you're like okay imma walk towards the car. Meanwhile thousands and millions of connections are being made in your brain, nerves, spinal cord, etc in order for you to do that simple action.

Okay, back to the car, then you have to move your ass and bend your ass down to get into your driver seat. Who tells who to sit down? Does your Ass cell say, "hey, leg cell move your fucking ass and bend"? Does your nerve cells talk to your spine and say, "hey bitch, tell your legs to move?" No... all of these things happen by themselves. It's literally a fucking miracle. Honestly, I have no idea how that even works, most people don't... so they take it for granted.

So did I...

I needed someone to bathe me, feed me & lift me up. I was helpless. I fractured my sternum, which is connected to pretty much everything in my upper body, so it even hurts to play rock-paper-scissors. Being in a hospital bed really made me grateful for the covers, the robe, my hair, my friends, my parents, and my everything. We literally have so much to be grateful for every day. Start to notice the little things in life. That's all it takes to live a good life. Don't fret the little stupid shit and actually be grateful that you have a drawer full of socks or the fact that you can walk to the bathroom. Start now & you will feel amazing each and everyday.

Write down one thing a day you are grateful for when you wake up and when you go to bed. Trust me. It helps... Not at first, but it will help overtime. Every good habit you create should be cemented in for the long run. Do it for three weeks straight and tell me how you feel. Habits are like a muscle, YOU have to work them everyday for them to grow and get better. If you are serious about being happy, you will push yourself. That's all I got to say.

"You win with gratitude; You win with life. That's what I've learned."

I just finished this book "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. This book is amazing. Read it—please.

Drew Howard